Move over Thor

 … At the late 1980s, I was living in the city of S Fco. in California. I was working in an Italian restaurant and having a blast. Being heterosexual in a city where 80% of the men are gay let s say that it is like fishing in a barrel full of fish.

I have nothing against homosexuals... is more... many coworkers were. And although my look at that time was enough Freddie Mercury..ish. Blame the mustache (twenty some... the 80´s ... you know...). Among the women I wasn't going too bad. But anyway... I have not come here to bragg about. I have come to tell one of those more or less surreal experiences. Happens to me a lot. Someday I have to go and have a shrink have a look at it.

Was looking for an apartment in an area , something closer to the work and a friend told me about a colleague who had just rent an apartment very cool. But her roommates had left her at the last minute.

 Chicken out…

Total... that we hit it well and I moved to that apartment. She was working daytime... and I mostly during dinner shift hours... and then I usually goparty... (Twenty some... 80 ´s ... you know...). So we were together very little. Which was not too bad.

The flat had a strange shape. A very long Hall... long... with a blue carpet. She told me that she had found it in a container at the office. Three days spent vacuum cleaning that thing.

You just enter... on one side was the kitchen and across the bathroom. Then the Hall... and in the end her room and mine. Then you gave the turn into a sort of landing and there was the living room

and again was the kitchen.

It seemed an ellipse... but I liked... those windows going up to the ceiling... Florentine I think ... floor in wood... except in the Hall... where it was the carpet...... Peacock blue...

One morning... very early... about 7 o'clock (I had arrived after a night... sexy) she told me something from my room door... something about that she was going to bring her friends to see the flat... I think I said something like OK... OK... and I returned to the arms of Morpheus...

Total... that I woke up later... dry mouth... the eyes on the ground... picked them up... I returned me to put on the sockets... headache was sexy... for a moment thought... If I get up fast... maybe I leave it on the pillow... and stays there... all deceived...

¡!! But that was not going to happen.. .I got up very quick I was and the headache came with me... and there I was wearing undies.. of those tight ones...!!! (Twenty some... the 80´s ... you know...). I'was going to shower. Fingesr were touching the wall of the Hall to the bathroom. Eyes were on their spot... but they were useless in those moments.

Sitting in the... throne... think that I sleept for a while… a snooz...

I went to cleanse me... and... I came up with the last piece of toilet paper.! 

Shiiiittt… And now what do I do... no way to get into the shower with all that. The girl warned me that with her hairs in the drain it has already had to call the plumber a couple of times. This had been told that wasn’t swallowing it well...

The drain I meant... didn't want the plumber cast me fiery glances if there was more than just hair next time that is jammed.

I suddenly remembered that she told me that he had put a replacement of toilet paper in the pantry in the kitchen.

So I got up... tighten up the patchies I headed into the kitchen. Walking like a Penguin into the pantry, and there it was. The paper roll lifesaver

At that moment I heard... the street door opening … and her voice saying... c ´mon girls... get in and see my new home...

And there I was. In the pantry... naked... tight buttocks... the roll to the right height. The face turning red self-consciousness to the purple! Earth swallow me !... imagining her words...

… Girls... This is the pantry kitchen...... my roommate... Manuel …Manuel... say hello to the girls...

I wanted to die...

Then I heard they went towards her room... walking by that blue carpet... and thought... from here to the bathroom what it will be... 10 feet?... 3 meters. Three seconds?... I have five seconds to put me in the bathroom... and save my dignity... among other things...

… I think we all have seen the film Thor... or the Avengers... with Thor... Thor is a blond dude... is the husband of Elsa Pataky... Well … Thor flies... Thor has a hammer when he move it fast and throws it.. .leadshim by dragging on the air.

Well I was Thor in that corridor... flying over the blue carpet... had no hammer... I had the roll... but I didn’t care …I was flying...

4 seconds and ¾ later I was landing between the bath and the toilet.  I saved my pride... but busted my thigh with the …landing.

Moments later... finished the issue... I got in the shower... And heard her voice on the other side of the door...

Manuel... we must call the plumber …the kitchen smells... smells like shiiiiitttt

That's the siphonic boat..( the drain ). I did replicate with breathy voice... 

I'll... I ll take care... dont worry...

I knew wasn’t that... but she never knew. Since then always I keep a spare roll in the bathroom. No more Thor. No more flights...

I did saved my dignity... the bruise and pain in thighs lasted me a week... the bruise and pain in my pride… lasted a couple of months...

Please accept my appologies of my broken english...bear with me please